i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
