some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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