Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
