So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
