Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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