Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think pants incapable of making pants work
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
