jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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