I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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