how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
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