Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So squirting runs in the family.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
