How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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