It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I've blown a few things in my day
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
