dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
