He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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