they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
