I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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