um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
