i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
