Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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