JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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