We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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