Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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