they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
