They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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