Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I supernannyed him into submission
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
