You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
