That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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