walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
