If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
As shirtless as possible
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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