did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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