and you said cock pushups were impossible
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
