Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
