I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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