So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
