i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
