I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
sarcasm needs its own font
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I pour the whiskey from now on
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
