Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
