youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
