so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
