plz talk dirty to me
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
