I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
