Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
