So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
