he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
