Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
