i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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