Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We are two peas in an std pod
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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