What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
