ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i already hear my dad disowning me
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
