weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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