Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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