I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
