I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
