I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
